Maintenance

I can't sleep. I have to get up in five or four and a half hours and I can't sleep. I either dream about opening doors and not finding what I'm looking for or water. I have to work tomorrow and I can't sleep. I need to floss and brush my teeth and take care of my fingernails. I'd like to give myself a pedicure but I've never done that so I'd probably mess it up. I need to take a shower and wash my hair and do laundry. It's cold here. A cold that I'm not used to and had to stand in for forty-five minutes waiting for the train. I spent most of today packing up the majority of my things and getting rid of the rest.

I'm not sure what the end of all this is. I'm not even sure how to clarify that statement.

At night, just before I attempt sleep, I curl up on my right side and tuck my right hand just under and between my chin and the curve of my neck. I slide my left hand in between the loose grip of my right and slowly and lightly rock back and forth. I hold my pillow like a life preserver and breathe four times deeply.

It's not even a full day until I do that.

I'll try to sleep now, but I'd like to go for a walk first.

I just don't know where I'd go.