Hope
I had a dream last night where I was in another part of the world. I think it might've been California but then I can't be sure. My hosts wanted to take me to the water but made it clear that we had to leave by a certain time of day. We arrived in the middle of the morning and I could see why they wanted me to see this part of the earth. It was beautiful in the way you see a picture that's been muted. You know that the scenery is amazing and soft and if you ate it, it would taste like sugar. In the dream I was a little girl and I kept running up to the blanket to ask why we had to leave at their specified time. I didn't have to be back to work for a long time and the water was so warm, I couldn't stop asking: "but why?"
I swam out as far as I could go without being scared and began treading water. Because I was trapped between being an adult and a little girl I figured I would swim far out and stay there until the appointed time so I could see what the big deal was. I could see my hosts waving their arms for me to come back in and heard their voices calling me firmly but gently.
Something in the way they yelled made me want to come to them right away. I don't know if it was the filter of the water or the way I saw their bodies express their beginning dismay, but I knew it was time.
So I walked out of the water that clung to my body like a sheen and the gentleman host said "It's too late, she's going to see it, we might as well sit down."
But I stood there with the water up to my shins and held my breath. Everything went silent and I followed their line of sight to the sky. I watched as the sun flipped like a coin and became the moon. The horizon, where the water and sky met was still on fire with the "other" side of the coin, but where I was, the moon became full and the water became clear, crystal clear and the sand, white. I felt lonely and small.
That was the last thing I saw before I woke up this morning.
I can't describe the loneliness I feel anymore. I can't make into words what this feels like. But I'm sitting here right now, in my warm apartment, listening to Friends on the TV and watching the way my hands look as I type these words.
I swam out as far as I could go without being scared and began treading water. Because I was trapped between being an adult and a little girl I figured I would swim far out and stay there until the appointed time so I could see what the big deal was. I could see my hosts waving their arms for me to come back in and heard their voices calling me firmly but gently.
Something in the way they yelled made me want to come to them right away. I don't know if it was the filter of the water or the way I saw their bodies express their beginning dismay, but I knew it was time.
So I walked out of the water that clung to my body like a sheen and the gentleman host said "It's too late, she's going to see it, we might as well sit down."
But I stood there with the water up to my shins and held my breath. Everything went silent and I followed their line of sight to the sky. I watched as the sun flipped like a coin and became the moon. The horizon, where the water and sky met was still on fire with the "other" side of the coin, but where I was, the moon became full and the water became clear, crystal clear and the sand, white. I felt lonely and small.
That was the last thing I saw before I woke up this morning.
I can't describe the loneliness I feel anymore. I can't make into words what this feels like. But I'm sitting here right now, in my warm apartment, listening to Friends on the TV and watching the way my hands look as I type these words.
posted by Shirina Grimaldi | 2/10/2006 06:00:00 PM
1 Comments:
Yeah! That'd be soo much fun! Did you know I've never had a margarita before? I think that'd be cool to have a margarita in my dream too. Dangit.
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