Landing

I've been away for awhile. I don't really know why. I mean I have no fancy words and no valid excuses. I'm not even sure I have to explain, and if I did who would I have to explain to? I hate to presume that people have missed what I have to say.

I think I just got caught up in things that happen everyday. I haven't seen any beauty in the mundane lately either. I was thinking about it the other day though, this whole self-imposed quiet. I think because I have friends who seem to drain the lifeblood out of me without wanting anything in return or giving anything in return, I've been hesitant to share what is underneath my smiles and nods.

I am not a drinker, I don't go to bars, I don't like big crowds and I find small talk boring. I have friends who need to drink to feel and I can't say that I get anything from that. Honestly, I feel like I've been preoccupied with trying to be someone I'm not.

Today I stayed home and listened to music really loud and then sat in quiet. The phone hasn't rang and I love it. Actually if it has rang, I wouldn't know, I've turned it off.

I need to turn something back on inside of me. Because just the other day, even the beautiful things I saw, bothered me.